Caregivers Need Help Too!

Patients often receive state of the art and state of the science treatment when they are in the hospital. With discharges from the hospital occurring sooner rather than later, some amount of care at home is expected after leaving the hospital. When professional caregivers, such as homecare nurses or physical therapists, are not part of the home care,  the burden of post discharge care falls to family and close friends. The National Cancer Institute has a wonderful book, Caring for the Caregiver, that is available online at the following link: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/caring-for-the-caregiver. While this book addresses those who care for cancer patients, it includes great tips for anyone caring for someone suffering from illness.

Caregivers may feel stressed and overwhelmed at times, and may even feel angry, sad, or worried. Sharing how you feel and talking with others often helps. A good friend is the best thing a caregiver can have! A counselor or social worker is also an option if you don't think you can handle your situation without professional help. The stress you're feeling is normal, but if your sadness or anger lasts more than a few weeks or interferes with your activities of daily life, you may be depressed. You should not be afraid to talk to your doctor or your loved one's doctor about your feelings.

Loneliness is a significant problem for caregivers. If you are needed at home all the time, you may begin to feel no one cares when you are cooped up inside. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes just getting out to the grocery or for a quick visit with friends is all it takes to revitalize you for a while. People often offer to run errands or bring food, but sometimes it's better if you can just leave home for a while. If someone calls and offers to help, ask them to come visit so you can get out for a bit. Just remember though that not everyone may be comfortable around those who are ill. If you take care of yourself, you may have more energy and will feel better.

Your loved one may also have guilt feelings that you are putting your life on hold. Having someone else come in occasionally gives both of you a break! Recently my husband went to visit an older uncle for the afternoon. His aunt raved about how great it was that his uncle could have "men talk"! Sometimes people offer help you don't need...don't be afraid to turn them down or suggest that you might prefer that they do something else. For example, if someone offers to mow your grass when you've already arranged a yard service, ask if they could perhaps bring supper one night instead or take your child on a play date.

Often chronic illness places strain on a family, even if the patient is not home bound. While you both may be able to get out and enjoy things on occasion, physical limitations or emotional problems associated with the illness need to be addressed. A friend's husband is struggling with a variety of health issues including diabetes. He is choosing to ignore his diet restrictions as if he doesn't have a problem, and refuses to take care of himself. My friend is at her wit's end! Others may refuse to use assistive devices like wheelchairs or motorized carts because they don't want to "look disabled". In situations like these, professional counseling is highly recommended as this behavior is detrimental to the individual's health or the couple or family relationship.

If you can arrange it, consider joining a Caregiver Support Group. Local hospitals or other healthcare agencies often provide these groups free of charge. Sometimes it helps just to be with others who understand exactly what you are going through.

In the book, Caring for the Caregiver, is some excellent advice:

"As a caregiver, try to remember to:

• Strike a balance each day.
• Focus on your needs, too.
• Care for yourself while caring for your loved one.
• Make time for resting and relaxing."

The Institute of Medicine states that "the burden of illnesses and disabilities in the U.S. and the world is closely related to social, psychological and behavioral aspects of the way of life of the population" (IOM, 1982:49-50, www.iom.edu). Protecting both patients and caregivers is an important part of making health care work. As hospital stays get shorter, the need for caregivers in the home increases. Don't be afraid to ask for help!